"For a guy like DP, taking a shot is playing the $1/1 at Terry's because he's been hitting" - Colin (at Adam's $4/8 O8 game).
Ego.
It's a poker player's worst enemy. Ego causes more bad poker decisions than reading Harrington on Hold'em. A year ago, that comment by Colin would've pissed me off. A year ago I was still clinging to the delusion that I could play as good as anyone else in the group. I thought that when I was sharp I could outplay anyone else. I mean, you have to believe that, right? Why the fuck would anyone sit at a cash table knowing they were going to get owned? Yet, I did it over and over and over. For years.
One of the biggest stumbling blocks in my poker development has been my generous ego. Win a few pots off Colin or Brian and I feel like Mike McD in Rounders, ready to go blow my load on Teddy KGB. Then I'd go and get crushed a few times and curse my bad luck. After all, I couldn't have been outplayed right? I wasn't outmatched was I? Of course not! Oh, wait, yes I was.
It takes a lot out of a poker player to admit that he simply sucks at a game. For me, that part of poker that I am terrible at is NLHE cash games. I've told myself every excuse available to soothe my damaged ego. Look back into the past two years of my blog, they're all in there. I had convinced myself that I simply ran bad for three years. How is that even possible? I was sure it was because I was at times severely under bankrolled for games. The problem with that excuse is that I played equally bad when I was flush with bankroll. I just didn't notice all the losses until they tapped me. One of the things that has helped me with my cash game decisions is the Poker Journal app for the iPhone. After installing it, I was finally able to see just how fucking horrible I was. Not only that, but PJ breaks down for me what games I am getting trounced at. Guess which ones? Yes, NLHE cash. I would play NL for a while, sometimes bank a few wins, then spew it all off. Then I'd crawl back to LHE and grind up a roll and do it all over again. My only profitable games are the ones that most everyone agrees I am best at - Limit HE and mix games.
So, why don't I just play the games I'm best at? Sounds simple enough, doesn't it? From a strictly statistical point of view, that's the smartest thing to do. An investor on Wall Street wouldn't continue to dump money into a stock that he KNEW was a long term loser. So, why would I dump money in such a manner? I used to marvel at John (Mr. Data) and the discipline he showed by never playing NLHE cash with us. He knew it wasn't a profitable game for him, and simply wouldn't play it. Instead of marveling at him, I should've taken the hint.
Ego.
I wanted to beat the better guys. I wanted to be the one doing the owning. Over the course of the past few months, I have reached a turning point. I am very serious about pursuing poker as not just a leisure but a source of income. I just need to overcome my ego. I have to be able to admit that I am not (by a longshot) the best NLHE cash player in the group. In fact, I am probably one of the worst. I always thought that given a large enough roll I could outplay anyone else. There's been a few things that have happened that have convinced me of how wrong I was.
First, I read a book. This particular book expounded at length about how willing stupid people are to sit and get cleaned out by "pro" players. The author was amazed that otherwise smart people would volunteer to sit with pros and lose money to them happily just to say they played with someone that good. I realized that part of the reason I continued to play with the best players we have is just to maintain that illusion that I was as good as them. They'd all invite me to games first because I was easy money to them. The second thing was my lack of bankroll in the past few months. I'd had to dip into it to clear bills, buy things for the kids, and pay my own expenses. It was left pretty decimated. This actually forced my hand - with a bankroll of only a few hundred dollars I simply CAN'T play any NLHE cash games. I can't afford it. I had to play limit games - and suddenly I was grinding out a profit. Consistently. Add some mix games (except for my bad weekend two weeks ago where I had no business even playing) and I'm actually turning my Poker Journal needle around.
I'm one of the few people in the group that can admit that I am a losing player. Not that it's a secret, mind you. I am down overall for the past two years. 90% of it is NLHE cash. Ask any five people from our group, and all five will tell you they're ahead for the year. I know a few people (I won't mention names but if you play regularly you can fill in the blanks) who seem to never have a losing session. They are never down. They always manage to dig back out when they are stuck. Every time I ask how they did I hear them say they're up (even when other people at the table agree they were massively stuck). I understand it though. No one wants to say they're a loser. No one wants to face the idea of being a bad player. It's like the guy who never makes a bad play or never makes a bad call. Everyone else knows he's full of shit, but he feels like he has to justify his stupid call or he'll lose face. What more of image do I have to lose? Everyone agrees (usually behind my back but lately even to my face) that I am a bad player. So, what will be saved by me continuing to delude myself? Nothing.
So, I am refocusing. With my personal situation changing, I have more freedom than ever before in my life. I am able to take off when I feel like it and go play. I can take the car and point it at Rivers when the mood strikes me to and play $4/8 all weekend. I can sniff out the good mix games and festivals and grind them out. Will I make $1000 at a sitting playing low limit? No. Will I finally get my shit together and become a winning player? I hope so.
Otherwise, what's the point in playing? Ego?
Wednesday, September 07, 2011
The Poker Player's Christmas
So, everyone in our area that enjoys poker LOVES Labor Day weekend. It's an extra day off to play poker, AND the area is jammed with local church festivals that have poker games going. I had a full weekend of poker booked, starting with Data's Poker After Dark. The day of the game (around 2PM) he lets me know the A/C doesn't work. So, me being an A/C mechanic, I head there after the game and get it running. I buy in and leave, running home for a shower and wardrobe change. I should've stayed home.
The first hand I play is AA. It folds to the SB (to my right, a new guy named John I think). He limps, I raise. He calls. Flop Q-10-2. He checks, I bet, he quickly calls. Q on the turn. Ruh roh. He checks, and I decide to see where I'm at. I bet and he quickly calls again. Shit, he has a Q. River is a brick and he checks a third time. I roll over AA and he slaps QJ down and scoops the pot. After last weekend's horrible run I seriously consider just leaving at that point. I can see I'm going to be running bad and I'm already demoralized and stuck. I stick around for another couple hours, winning only a few small pots. I finally bleed down to nearly nothing and shove 7BB with pocket 3's. Colin calls with A8 and I am drawing dead preflop. Sure enough, A on the flop. Ugh.
Saturday I had decided I wasn't going to play, until Ryan Rufe (proprietor of Rufebert's Poker Room) decided to host a single table $40 SNG. I headed over and we ended up 8 handed. Jack had asked if we could do a single emergency rebuy and Ryan agreed if you busted before the first break. I was running bad early and kept raising into better hands or getting trapped. I reshipped my stack with A5h against Jimmy's 10's and he reluctantly called, busting me. I rebought and went on a heater. I began making hands and good reads. I busted Yosh and his friend and built up the #2 stack at the table. Jack went out on the bubble and it was me vs. Jimmy heads up. I doubled up early with Q2 against his 99 (Q on flop). I started chipping away at him until I had a slight lead, then I finished him. I shoved preflop (blinds at this point had me with 15BB and chip lead) with 78c. He snap calls with AA, and I flop a straight and flush draw. River 6 locks it up for me and I win.
With that win (and a bankroll again) I decided to hit the St. Elias charity festival. Most of my CPMG friends were heading to St. Rocco's to play NL because their games were notoriously soft. I wanted to play limit, and from what I heard it was a zoo trying to get in at St. Rocco's so I went to Brooklyn instead. I bought in at $3/6 and got sat at a table of absolute morons. There were only two other people who knew how to play and we took turns beating up the fish. I ground out a $175 profit (at $3/6 this is a huge win) and left. I was up, I left with a profit, and fuck it all I felt good! I stopped at the main tent while I was waiting for the rain to die down and watched the arab girls belly dancing.
Sunday I decided to go make another withdrawal at St. Elias. I got there at 1:05 (doors open at 1) and got waitlisted for $3/6. I was about to sit at $1/2 when someone got up to move to $1/2. I took the limit seat and was steady grinding for a few hours. I was up $110 when the cards turned on me. I got rivered in a few big pots. I made a few iffy calls and they didn't work out. I was back to about dead even when I went on the sickest low limit run I've had in over a year. First I get dealt 33 in a kill pot (the limits are doubled for one hand). I flop 3's full and get paid. Then I win the next pot with 96 off from the button (flopped a 6, turned trips and cracked AA). Kill again. I get A-10, raise and get one callers. Flop A-4-5 get called all the way by QQ. Kill again. (These are consecutive hands). Get dealt 8-6 off and get into the biggest hand of the day at the table. One limper for $6, guy at other end makes it $12. Three callers to me. I already have $6 in or I wouldn't but fuck it, right? I call and lady behind me calls. Flop K-10-8 two clubs. From nowhere the lady inexplicably leads for $6 into the raiser. call-call-call to me. Hmph. I call. Turn, 6h. Bink! She leads for $12, call-call-fold to me. I bump it to $24. She snap calls, as does original raiser. Angry arab guy who had been tagging along gets mad and slams hand into the muck. River 2d. Check check to me. I lead for $12 as I am sure I have the best hand. Call-call. Angry arab who folded is having convulsions. Lady shows A-10 for a pair of 10's, original raiser has QQ for Q's, and I show my two pair and scoop a monstrous pot. Arab guy explodes, calling me horrible for raising him off his pocket 2's that would've won. Aw, sorry. I scoop it and post another kill which I take down by raising to $12 with 67d and getting no callers. Finally I post one last kill and fold 4-8 preflop to a raise. In that short span I went from even to +$402. I take a pic and send it to Kirsten who pleads with me to get up and leave. Data (who was on the rail) agrees I should leave. I play one more orbit, folding to the blinds again before getting up and banking my win. I mean, how much more can I reasonably expect to make?
Excited and happy, I walk out +$577 for two days work at $3/6. Sometimes, I really love this game.
So, everyone in our area that enjoys poker LOVES Labor Day weekend. It's an extra day off to play poker, AND the area is jammed with local church festivals that have poker games going. I had a full weekend of poker booked, starting with Data's Poker After Dark. The day of the game (around 2PM) he lets me know the A/C doesn't work. So, me being an A/C mechanic, I head there after the game and get it running. I buy in and leave, running home for a shower and wardrobe change. I should've stayed home.
The first hand I play is AA. It folds to the SB (to my right, a new guy named John I think). He limps, I raise. He calls. Flop Q-10-2. He checks, I bet, he quickly calls. Q on the turn. Ruh roh. He checks, and I decide to see where I'm at. I bet and he quickly calls again. Shit, he has a Q. River is a brick and he checks a third time. I roll over AA and he slaps QJ down and scoops the pot. After last weekend's horrible run I seriously consider just leaving at that point. I can see I'm going to be running bad and I'm already demoralized and stuck. I stick around for another couple hours, winning only a few small pots. I finally bleed down to nearly nothing and shove 7BB with pocket 3's. Colin calls with A8 and I am drawing dead preflop. Sure enough, A on the flop. Ugh.
Saturday I had decided I wasn't going to play, until Ryan Rufe (proprietor of Rufebert's Poker Room) decided to host a single table $40 SNG. I headed over and we ended up 8 handed. Jack had asked if we could do a single emergency rebuy and Ryan agreed if you busted before the first break. I was running bad early and kept raising into better hands or getting trapped. I reshipped my stack with A5h against Jimmy's 10's and he reluctantly called, busting me. I rebought and went on a heater. I began making hands and good reads. I busted Yosh and his friend and built up the #2 stack at the table. Jack went out on the bubble and it was me vs. Jimmy heads up. I doubled up early with Q2 against his 99 (Q on flop). I started chipping away at him until I had a slight lead, then I finished him. I shoved preflop (blinds at this point had me with 15BB and chip lead) with 78c. He snap calls with AA, and I flop a straight and flush draw. River 6 locks it up for me and I win.
With that win (and a bankroll again) I decided to hit the St. Elias charity festival. Most of my CPMG friends were heading to St. Rocco's to play NL because their games were notoriously soft. I wanted to play limit, and from what I heard it was a zoo trying to get in at St. Rocco's so I went to Brooklyn instead. I bought in at $3/6 and got sat at a table of absolute morons. There were only two other people who knew how to play and we took turns beating up the fish. I ground out a $175 profit (at $3/6 this is a huge win) and left. I was up, I left with a profit, and fuck it all I felt good! I stopped at the main tent while I was waiting for the rain to die down and watched the arab girls belly dancing.
Sunday I decided to go make another withdrawal at St. Elias. I got there at 1:05 (doors open at 1) and got waitlisted for $3/6. I was about to sit at $1/2 when someone got up to move to $1/2. I took the limit seat and was steady grinding for a few hours. I was up $110 when the cards turned on me. I got rivered in a few big pots. I made a few iffy calls and they didn't work out. I was back to about dead even when I went on the sickest low limit run I've had in over a year. First I get dealt 33 in a kill pot (the limits are doubled for one hand). I flop 3's full and get paid. Then I win the next pot with 96 off from the button (flopped a 6, turned trips and cracked AA). Kill again. I get A-10, raise and get one callers. Flop A-4-5 get called all the way by QQ. Kill again. (These are consecutive hands). Get dealt 8-6 off and get into the biggest hand of the day at the table. One limper for $6, guy at other end makes it $12. Three callers to me. I already have $6 in or I wouldn't but fuck it, right? I call and lady behind me calls. Flop K-10-8 two clubs. From nowhere the lady inexplicably leads for $6 into the raiser. call-call-call to me. Hmph. I call. Turn, 6h. Bink! She leads for $12, call-call-fold to me. I bump it to $24. She snap calls, as does original raiser. Angry arab guy who had been tagging along gets mad and slams hand into the muck. River 2d. Check check to me. I lead for $12 as I am sure I have the best hand. Call-call. Angry arab who folded is having convulsions. Lady shows A-10 for a pair of 10's, original raiser has QQ for Q's, and I show my two pair and scoop a monstrous pot. Arab guy explodes, calling me horrible for raising him off his pocket 2's that would've won. Aw, sorry. I scoop it and post another kill which I take down by raising to $12 with 67d and getting no callers. Finally I post one last kill and fold 4-8 preflop to a raise. In that short span I went from even to +$402. I take a pic and send it to Kirsten who pleads with me to get up and leave. Data (who was on the rail) agrees I should leave. I play one more orbit, folding to the blinds again before getting up and banking my win. I mean, how much more can I reasonably expect to make?
Excited and happy, I walk out +$577 for two days work at $3/6. Sometimes, I really love this game.
I Run Bad (My tardy "Weekend of 8-27/28 report")
So, as you might have noticed, my blog about two weeks ago is conspicuously absent. "Why didn't he post about his trip to PA?" you might be asking. More likely you are asking "Why do I keep reading this shit blog?". Probably to see if I'm going to trash anyone from the group.
Anyway, so I went to Rivers last Saturday to play more $4/8. I had been invited to play $3/6 HORSE+Triple Draw at Colin's but the guest list included someone who I personally despise and did not want to be around, so I decided to go to PA. Rivers has sent me a set of free parking passes for the entire football season. I know enough to know I don't want to get there late on a football day, so we leave at 3:30 knowing the game is at 7. Well, fuck. From the bottom of the off ramp to the parking garage at Rivers (normally 30 seconds) takes almost an hour. We were re-routed around the casino and around a highway detour and back. Note to self: Go early or don't go.
Inside I sat at $4/8. There was only one table and it wasn't full. I figured it would fill out after the game so I wasn't worried. I bought in $400 and proceeded to play awful for the next 10 or so hours. I was stuck $120 early merely from calling and bricking flops and missing draws. At one point I switched seats because there's a blind guy (no shit, he's 94% blind as he will tell you repeatedly) sitting to my right who gets up and leans over me every hand to see the board. He's a nice guy but it drives me nuts so I move. I go on a heater, winning three pots and am actually UP $3. Sad as it is, I consider leaving as I am feeling impatient and tired and am not hitting hands. Instead of doing the smart thing I stay too long and end up spewing off $200. I decided to get up when the table started breaking and sat down at a $1/3NL. I received 0 playable hands for almost 2 hours before going broke on a draw heavy board that I bricked twice. Tired, pissed off, and fairly broke I decided to shuffle back to Cleveland. That two hour drive home seems like 10 hours when you're stuck. Fortunately, I learned a long time ago to leave gas, toll, and food money in the car in case the session doesn't go well.
The next day I wanted to play the $4/8 O8 at Adam's but was having a liquidity problem with my cash flow (the well ran dry). I tapped another player for a buy-in and sat in the game. I ran really well for a while, building the $150 up to $270 before I had to leave for 45 minutes to run an errand. Upon my return I proceeded to miss everything, play too many hands, and spew off the stack. I borrowed another $100 which I managed to run myself almost back to even with, but Adam called the game before I could get completely unstuck. I ended up -$30 and embarrassed that I didn't leave when I was +$120.
The lesson to be learned here is: Stop playing when I'm so tired, and get up when I get up.
So, as you might have noticed, my blog about two weeks ago is conspicuously absent. "Why didn't he post about his trip to PA?" you might be asking. More likely you are asking "Why do I keep reading this shit blog?". Probably to see if I'm going to trash anyone from the group.
Anyway, so I went to Rivers last Saturday to play more $4/8. I had been invited to play $3/6 HORSE+Triple Draw at Colin's but the guest list included someone who I personally despise and did not want to be around, so I decided to go to PA. Rivers has sent me a set of free parking passes for the entire football season. I know enough to know I don't want to get there late on a football day, so we leave at 3:30 knowing the game is at 7. Well, fuck. From the bottom of the off ramp to the parking garage at Rivers (normally 30 seconds) takes almost an hour. We were re-routed around the casino and around a highway detour and back. Note to self: Go early or don't go.
Inside I sat at $4/8. There was only one table and it wasn't full. I figured it would fill out after the game so I wasn't worried. I bought in $400 and proceeded to play awful for the next 10 or so hours. I was stuck $120 early merely from calling and bricking flops and missing draws. At one point I switched seats because there's a blind guy (no shit, he's 94% blind as he will tell you repeatedly) sitting to my right who gets up and leans over me every hand to see the board. He's a nice guy but it drives me nuts so I move. I go on a heater, winning three pots and am actually UP $3. Sad as it is, I consider leaving as I am feeling impatient and tired and am not hitting hands. Instead of doing the smart thing I stay too long and end up spewing off $200. I decided to get up when the table started breaking and sat down at a $1/3NL. I received 0 playable hands for almost 2 hours before going broke on a draw heavy board that I bricked twice. Tired, pissed off, and fairly broke I decided to shuffle back to Cleveland. That two hour drive home seems like 10 hours when you're stuck. Fortunately, I learned a long time ago to leave gas, toll, and food money in the car in case the session doesn't go well.
The next day I wanted to play the $4/8 O8 at Adam's but was having a liquidity problem with my cash flow (the well ran dry). I tapped another player for a buy-in and sat in the game. I ran really well for a while, building the $150 up to $270 before I had to leave for 45 minutes to run an errand. Upon my return I proceeded to miss everything, play too many hands, and spew off the stack. I borrowed another $100 which I managed to run myself almost back to even with, but Adam called the game before I could get completely unstuck. I ended up -$30 and embarrassed that I didn't leave when I was +$120.
The lesson to be learned here is: Stop playing when I'm so tired, and get up when I get up.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)